he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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