at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
