not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
