I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
