I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize