You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
