Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
