I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
