I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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