I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
