You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
