there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
