I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
