some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
