Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
