and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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