can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she pinky promised me she was 18
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize