so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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