Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
