is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
