Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
