woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
