if you like me you must not know who I am
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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