They should really pass out barf bags in church
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
