I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
