my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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