I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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