i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
There are leaves in my underwear?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
