Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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