I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
