So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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