she pinky promised me she was 18
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
