I think I am morally bankrupt
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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