I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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