your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
