he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
