and my herpes radar will keep us safe
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize