i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
