It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
