so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize