I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
