best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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