Me. At least after what I've been through.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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