I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
