I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
