The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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