listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Randomize
