Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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