This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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