im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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