ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
