I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
