I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
