this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
