whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i barfeds in our rink
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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