i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
