every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
