I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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