i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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