He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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