I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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