I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
