He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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