The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you inspire me to be a worse person
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
